Through the years I have seen relationships break up for
many different reasons; some valid, some not so valid. Relationship deal breakers vary from person
to person. When dating there is a much
wider span as far as this topic is concerned; a deal breaker can be as simple
as, chews gum too loud. Lol But when you
are married, the span is much narrower. There are certainly obvious things that you
can see in courtship that will only intensify with marriage. For example; jealousy,
anger issues, insecurities, family issues and infidelity.
When you are dating someone, usually in the beginning, many
things can easily be over looked. After
all, you only spend a few hours at a time with this person; during that time it’s
not difficult to show each other your best side. The more time you spend
together, the more you get to know that person.
This is an important period in a relationship. During this time, if you notice this person
is jealous of your friends, family members and even strangers…. Run for your
life, it will only get worse with marriage. Lol Jealousy is a sign of control,
insecurity and fear; it has nothing to do with love. Secondly, if this person shows any signs of
anger issues in the way of hitting, pushing, and is verbally abusive. Run for
your life, this person will get more violent with time. A person with anger issues is a person that
does not know how to express their emotions in a healthy way; they also lack self-control.
Thirdly, there is also the insecure person, this person takes
everything personal. They are always
claiming to be victims and blaming others for their misery. They rarely take responsibility for their
wrong doings, it is always “the devil made me do it” with them. Lol They are
stuck in the past, be it their troublesome childhood, failed relationships, or
simply lack of success. They look to get
pity and make people feel guilty for not accommodating them. You feel as if you have to walk on egg shells
to not hurt their feelings. This
behavior also intensified with marriage.
The person with family
issues usually doesn't get along with their mom or dad, fights with their
siblings, in other words there is always drama in that family. Guess what, this only gets worse, you will
have to not only be in the middle of it all, but you will have to expose your
kids to that situation.
Lastly, infidelity, this is a deal breaker for most couples;
although many stay together. I just
think if they have the nerve to be unfaithful while they are courting you,
which is the time when they should be at their best to win you over, I can only
imagine that it will get worse in marriage.
This person is not only insecure but they have very low self esteem. Their self worth is linked with how other
people see them or feel about them.
Therefore, the more people they “assume” love them, the better they feel
about themselves. Without the proper
help this person will never mature to be a devoted spouse, they stay in a puppy
love stage. They are always after the
chaise, because that’s how they get their validation. They rarely develop meaningful, satisfying
relationships.
Ok, so there you have it; these could be deal breakers if
you are dating. Now, if you are married and having these issues, that’s a different
story; I would consider all of the above mentioned, reason to seek counseling. With much work, perseverance and dedication but most importantly with God as the center; a marriage can overcome.
There's truth in the saying "you are responsible for what you know." Individuals who come from dysfunctional backgrounds may not be aware they are affected by it. Others who don't come from the perfect family, like myself, have to understand where they come from. I was conscience about the importance of family dynamics and how my parents divorced impacted my siblings and I. Thank God I was able to recognize this ahead of time.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that very much Mel. My three sisters and I also experienced a divorce in our family. We were raised by a single mother who was able "by the grace of God" to instill in us values. And you are right about the importance of being conscience of how our upbringing impacts our relationships. It was through hard work and professional counseling that I was able to be enlightened to the degree that I recognized the damage and became willing to heal. Thanks for your comment :)
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