The Father of all fathers!

After reading the list of things that a father should be able to provide for their daughter, I could not help but feel that many of us were robbed from that experience.  I can’t imagine what it would've felt like to have a daddy protect me, tell me I was beautiful, teach me to respect myself, and teach me about men. Probably above all things, I would have loved to witness him live by example; therefore teaching me, how a woman should be treated by the way he treated my mother.  Sadly, that is not the story for most of us women.   I also thought about the many men that are clueless as to what a dad or husband should be, because they didn't have a father to teach them.  Then came the question of “how do we learn these things?”

Since most of us were not dealt that hand, what do we do, are we destined for failure? No, we are not.  If there wasn't a way for all of us to overcome, then life would simply not be fair and God not just.  There is a father that if we allow him to, can not only fill every one of those basic needs in our lives but surpass them beyond our understanding.    Unlike earthly fathers, He is perfect, He does not waiver, He loves us unconditionally and his love and forgiveness for us is never ending. 

He calls us the apple of his eye, He knows how many hairs are on our head, and before the foundation of the earth he loved us.  He promises that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from His Love. If you can show me an earthy father that can love like that; I’ll tell you that life is not fair. LOL

The great thing about this is that we ALL have access to that father.  Men and women alike; non is excluded.  He tells us to “come boldly (without fear, with complete confidence) into the throne of grace in our time of NEED and we will find mercy.”  Wow that’s exciting.  You have no idea how many people I've seen that are afraid or their fathers.  They are terrified to come to their fathers when they have done something wrong.  Not us, the ones that have our heavenly Father as our dads! We can come BOLDLY into our daddy’s throne where we can find mercy.  It is my prayer today that more earthly fathers would follow the example of our heavenly Father.  

Lets decide today that we will no longer live wishing we would've had a father to teach us or to love us.  Lets live with confidence knowing that the Father of all fathers loves us.  And that through him we can learn all we need to know to be the very best fathers and mothers to our own children.  We are blessed!    

Why boys & girls need their Dad

Why Boys need their Dads

written by Byron Ricks

1. Shape their identity. Boys look to fathers in their search for self. Without a father, boys have a harder time defining who they are and who they want to be. A boy's search for self starts with his father.

2. Help them belong. The need to belong to a family or tribe is a powerful force in boys. Having a father in the picture gives them this sense of alliance. Studies show that boys without fathers are more likely to join gangs—because they have to look outside the family for social acceptance.

3. Influence their values. Boys with fathers are more likely than their fatherless peers to have economic stability in the household. This gives them a sense of self-worth. There are other values fathers shape: work ethic, having a healthy relationship, and persevering.

4. Demonstrate character. Boys look up to their fathers and imitate what they see. Fathers can model good character traits like integrity, honesty, courage, restraint, fairness, foresight, and citizenship. When fathers are absent, boys look to celebrities, popular musicians, or sports figures for character cues.

5. Teach respect. A father who does not show up for his boy epitomizes disrespect. Present fathers, on the other hand, can actively teach respectful behaviors such as listening, trust, tolerance, politeness, and understanding limits.

6. Fill the void. Boys without fathers often feel as though there's something missing, which is why some fatherless boys turn to sex, pornography, violence, drugs, alcohol, or other self-destructive behaviors. Having a father helps boys feel complete.

7. Balance ideas about sex. Boys without fathers have a lot of unanswered questions about sex. A side effect is that they don't talk about sex and get the practical advice that would carry them into healthy, fulfilling relationships as men. Fathers can give practical advice about girls, sex, wet dreams, contraceptives, pregnancy, and other topics they are not likely to discuss with their moms.

8. Give them love. Boys who don't have involved fathers often view love as vulnerability, and trust as a bad thing. Fathers show boys that love means satisfaction and completeness.

Why girls need their Dads

Written by: Marcus Williams and Joanna Schroeder

1. To tell her she’s pretty, but tell her other good things about herself more.
It’s not that telling a girl she’s pretty is bad. It’s not. The point is that it shouldn’t be the only kind of compliment she gets, so she doesn’t feel that only her appearance matters. Compliment her intelligence, her resourcefulness, her imagination, her hard work, and her strength. Don’t pretend that her looks will never matter, but teach her not to judge herself or let herself be judged only on looks.

2. Remember that the way you talk about and treat women will have a lasting impact.
Your daughter will pick up on generalizations you make about women, whether positive or negative. Intentionally or not, you shape her identity about what it is to be a woman, and how to expect to be treated for being one. Say positive things about women without pedastalizing. If you can’t be nice, at least be respectful and steer clear of the B-word, C-word, and other words for putting down her entire gender. All this goes double for talking about her mother.

3. Teach her honesty and integrity in relationships by demonstrating them in yours.
“Honesty and integrity in relationships” doesn’t mean blind devotion. It means living a life consistent with the values you hold dear, and helping the people you love to live consistent with theirs. Live the integrity you hope she’ll choose for herself.

4. Teach her that she has power over her own body and sexuality.
From when she’s small, tell her that her body belongs to her, and she is the boss of it. As she gets older, teach her that her body isn’t to be used in the effort to win love or approval, or to manipulate others. Teach her that sex is beautiful, and that choices to have and not have sex both carry power and integrity, as long as she is true to herself.Allow her to talk to you about sex without getting squicked, but also leave room for her to have private conversations about sex and sexuality with other people.

5. Teach her about male sexuality without fear-mongering.
It’s tempting to tell her that boys are bad, that sex is evil and that guys only want one thing ...
But we know from the last 50 years of Sex Education that this tactic simply doesn’t work, and it damages both boys and girls in the process. Girls learn to fear boys and see them as one-dimensional, or they learn that their parents have been lying all along.

6. Teach her that respect is key, and both boys and girls deserve it and are able to give it.

7. As she gets older, tell her the truth about drugs. Don’t use scare tactics, be honest.
Drugs are scary enough without exaggerating. But saying, “If you try drugs, you’ll die (or end up homeless, or become a prostitute, etc)” and having that as your “Drug Talk” will fail. Why? Because she will quickly learn that smoking pot doesn’t kill you—either from watching her friends or doing it herself.Instead, try something along the lines of, “Using most drugs is like Russian Roulette… Five out of six times a person may be fine. But you never know if you’re going to end up as that one person who won’t be okay.”

8. Teach her that “No” means “No”, for both herself and others.
Teach her physical boundaries. Teach her how to say no directly, and that her no is to be respected, and that she shouldn’t be afraid or embarrassed to protect her body

Fathers, MAN UP!

Today I would like to raise awareness on the importance of having a father in the home.  The statistics below blew my mind!  Keep in mind that I am well aware of the exceptions, I myself am an exception.  However we can’t ignore what’s happening around us.  If you are a father, these are some reasons why you should stay involved in your child’s life.  If you are a single mother, here are some reasons why you should encourage a healthy relationship between your children and their father (a mentally stable father).  If you are a single mother not able to have your children establish a relationship with a healthy dad, keep them around a positive influential male figure.  I heard a psychologist say that studies show any male figure such as uncle, grandfather, step-dad, that would serve as a positive influence on a child can reduce the statistics dramatically.  

 

A total of 15 million children – are being raised without a father. [US Department of Census]


Father-deprived children are:

72% of all teenage murderers.

60% of rapists.

70% of kids incarcerated.

twice as likely to quit school.

11 times more likely to be violent.

3 of 4 teen suicides.

80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals.

90% of runaways

71% of pregnant teenagers

Sadly there are many psychological issues that do not allow fathers to provide the kind of mental, physical and emotional stability that their children need.  Do not allow excuses to keep you from performing the most important task that you will have in your lifetime.  I am here to tell you that EVERYONE is lacking in one thing or another; get help and get well.   You need to mature and accept that the moment you became a father, it’s no longer about you.  If when you wake up in the morning your first thought is not “how can I make my children’s life better, love & protect them more” your priorities are not where they should be.  You have an enormous responsibility, your role in your child’s life is not only important but it’s crucial for the overall well being of their future. 

I challenge you today to make a commitment this father’s day to be better, give more of your time, love, and attention to your children.  A child that receives positive reinforcement is more willing to be obedient when disciplined.  Being a father is not only about being a provider and a disciplinarian; he is the rock of the home, the stable, strong, safe place to land, when your children fail.  Do not allow immaturity, distractions, busyness, to keep you from doing the very best you can in the most important job you have.  

Man up, this is one job you cannot put off, because sooner than later, it ends.

We all need a father!

This week in honor of fathers day I would like to talk about the importance of fathers.  I myself was not fortunate enough to be raised by one, but from my husband's example I could see what a father's love does for a child.  Growing up I didn't see many friends with fathers and the ones that did have one left much to be said. Some were physically abusive, others sexually abusive, some unhappy grumpy old men that only spoke to their children to tell them to move out of the way because they were blocking the television. I can't recall one of my friends that had a dad that made me wish I had one.  Sadly, it was quite the opposite, I felt sorry for them for having one.

It wasn't until I saw tv actors as fathers that I realized what their role in the home should be.  Actors like Bill Cosby and the father from family ties opened my eyes to a whole new world.  Although the shows where "Hollywood" glamorized, the basic principals were in place.   The father was a hard working provider, a problem solver, a teacher, a loving disciplinarian and the family protector.  Wow, really?? How come I never saw one of those?? Haha Well I did in my brother in laws but by then I was an adult.

It was astonishing for me to watch a family work things out by talking; to see a father respect his children enough to ask for forgiveness when he did something wrong.   But probably the most surprising of all things was that neither of those shows used physical discipline.  What??? No (chancletas), belts, broomsticks, branches, or whatever was closest, for discipline?? Haha  I was spellbound by those fathers; I wanted one of those in my life.

And I got one; it wasn't in my younger years but he came just when I needed him the most, in my teenage years.  My step father Saul, he stepped in as a friend and won me over as a dad.  Guess what?? He was one of those TV dads that new how to talk things out! I could tell him anything from boy problems to school issues; he would listen.  I was granted my wish, a father that was a provider, protector, problem solver and teacher. He left the discipline to my mom. Lol  I was able to see for myself what a stable family should be.

Throughout the week I will talk about the importance of a father in a boy's life and in a girl's life.  Also about how our heavenly father covers those of us who didn't have a natural father to look after us as youngsters.  Enjoy your week!

How cool is this, I'm posting from the airplane from 30,000 feet up in the air!!! Lol