Thursday, May 16, 2013

Relationship deal breakers

Through the years I have seen relationships break up for many different reasons; some valid, some not so valid.  Relationship deal breakers vary from person to person.  When dating there is a much wider span as far as this topic is concerned; a deal breaker can be as simple as, chews gum too loud. Lol  But when you are married, the span is much narrower.   There are certainly obvious things that you can see in courtship that will only intensify with marriage. For example; jealousy, anger issues, insecurities, family issues and infidelity. 

When you are dating someone, usually in the beginning, many things can easily be over looked.  After all, you only spend a few hours at a time with this person; during that time it’s not difficult to show each other your best side. The more time you spend together, the more you get to know that person.  This is an important period in a relationship.  During this time, if you notice this person is jealous of your friends, family members and even strangers…. Run for your life, it will only get worse with marriage. Lol Jealousy is a sign of control, insecurity and fear; it has nothing to do with love.  Secondly, if this person shows any signs of anger issues in the way of hitting, pushing, and is verbally abusive. Run for your life, this person will get more violent with time.  A person with anger issues is a person that does not know how to express their emotions in a healthy way; they also lack self-control.   

Thirdly, there is also the insecure person, this person takes everything personal.  They are always claiming to be victims and blaming others for their misery.  They rarely take responsibility for their wrong doings, it is always “the devil made me do it” with them. Lol They are stuck in the past, be it their troublesome childhood, failed relationships, or simply lack of success.  They look to get pity and make people feel guilty for not accommodating them.  You feel as if you have to walk on egg shells to not hurt their feelings.  This behavior also intensified with marriage.

 The person with family issues usually doesn't get along with their mom or dad, fights with their siblings, in other words there is always drama in that family.  Guess what, this only gets worse, you will have to not only be in the middle of it all, but you will have to expose your kids to that situation. 

Lastly, infidelity, this is a deal breaker for most couples; although many stay together.  I just think if they have the nerve to be unfaithful while they are courting you, which is the time when they should be at their best to win you over, I can only imagine that it will get worse in marriage.  This person is not only insecure but they have very low self esteem.  Their self worth is linked with how other people see them or feel about them.  Therefore, the more people they “assume” love them, the better they feel about themselves.  Without the proper help this person will never mature to be a devoted spouse, they stay in a puppy love stage.  They are always after the chaise, because that’s how they get their validation.  They rarely develop meaningful, satisfying relationships.

Ok, so there you have it; these could be deal breakers if you are dating. Now, if you are married and having these issues, that’s a different story; I would consider all of the above mentioned, reason to seek counseling.  With much work, perseverance and dedication but most importantly with God as the center; a marriage can overcome.   


  1. There's truth in the saying "you are responsible for what you know." Individuals who come from dysfunctional backgrounds may not be aware they are affected by it. Others who don't come from the perfect family, like myself, have to understand where they come from. I was conscience about the importance of family dynamics and how my parents divorced impacted my siblings and I. Thank God I was able to recognize this ahead of time.

  2. I can relate to that very much Mel. My three sisters and I also experienced a divorce in our family. We were raised by a single mother who was able "by the grace of God" to instill in us values. And you are right about the importance of being conscience of how our upbringing impacts our relationships. It was through hard work and professional counseling that I was able to be enlightened to the degree that I recognized the damage and became willing to heal. Thanks for your comment :)