I'm your lover not your mother

This blog post comes about from a conversation I had with a person.  The conversation went something like this: "I literally do whatever it takes to avoid being scolded by my spouse. I lie, hide shopping bags and receipts, even ask if its OK to go out."  I couldn't help myself, I said, WHAT? you are a grown person!" I wondered if they got "time outs" or "grounded" as well. LOL  Unfortunately many couples fall into this role by accident. They don't set out to treat each other like children, but as time passes, it can easily happen to any one of us. It usually begins in an area where one person is stronger than the other. Instead of seeing it as a compliment, that the other person can create that balance, they see it as a lack of this or that which develops into a need to change the other person.

Recognize any of these....
Where are you going? who are you going with? what time will you be back?
Who are you talking to? what did they want? what did you say?
Why are you wearing that? wear something else.
What did you buy? how much did it cost? You don't need it.
Who or what are you looking at?
.... TO NAME A FEW!! lol

I believe that when we treat grown ups like children, if they are not mature enough to stop us, they start acting like children.  The deceiving part of this is that just because they don't do the things we forbid in front of us, doesn't mean they don't do them.  Most of the time, just like children they do it behind our backs.

My husband and I DO NOT have it all together by any means.  But there is one thing he has clear; that I am his lover NOT his mother! LOL I don't question him about money, I trust that he will do whats right for our family.  He has never shown me differently.  He doesn't ask permission; we compare calendars and discuss whats best for both of us.  

Sadly these parent-child relationships end up badly, just like children, eventually the spouse rebels and things get ugly.  But even if the spouse never rebels and endures this relationship for the rest of their life, this is no way to live.  Even the person doing the parenting is cheating themselves of a healthy adult union.  The last thing anyone wants is a spouse acting like an intimidated child; walking around afraid of being scolded.

Lastly, by living like this not only are we making our own lives miserable by trying to change the other person, but we are also not allowing the other person to mature, take responsibility and suffer the consequences of their actions if need be. If you find yourself in a situation like this and you are the one doing the parenting, STOP; its nothing but a false sense of security. It will backfire.  If you are on the other side taking the beatings, STOP; Stand up to your bully. LOL Life is to short to live pretending, be yourself, because the people who truly love you, will accept you just as you are.