How I put an end to the verbal & emotional abuse....

A continuation of yesterday's post....

I guess many would have considered me “different” in middle school. hahaha. Well, that’s if you compared me to most of the girls there. I always wore skirts, never cut my hair, never wore any make-up, didn't curse, fight, or caused any trouble. Apparently, that made me a good target for bullying. I was teased merciless by one girl; she called me names, talked about me, laughed at me, followed me down the halls and a few times even threw papers at me. Because I was brought up thinking that defending myself would be wrong, I was afraid to fight back. Telling the teachers did nothing but make matters worse. She would then wait for me after school to torture me on my walk home. My mother went to the school to try and make it stop, but it didn't. The girl recruited three others for her gang. LOL

In order to compare what I went through with other types of emotional & physical abuse so that many can relate; I will share the feelings I felt during that time. I remember feeling: shame, guilt, anger, frustration, sadness, powerless, afraid, humiliated, anxious, hopeless, resentful, alone, and isolated. Regardless of where your abuse is coming from, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship or any other source; I believe you would experience some, if not all, of these same feelings.

I can tell you from experience that this is a toxic place to be at. No one deserves to walk around carrying an emotional bag filled with all of those negative emotions. It wears you out, sucks the life out of you and it takes away your peace.  Life is too short to endure abuse, seek help.  Don't waste another minute of your life finding excuses for it, you have the power to make it stop.  Believe that you are valuable in God's eyes; and that it is His will for us to walk in perfect peace.  Ok so back to my story LOL.... One day, I’d finally had enough. I woke up that morning determined. I decided that regardless of what happened; if I got suspended, if I got in trouble with my mother, with my pastor, or even if I was beat to death LOL, I was going

to fight back. I was ready; I wore shorts under my skirt, put my hair up in a bun, and put

on my mean girl face. Hahahaha I WAS TERRIFIED!!!! but determined. I remember walking to school praying “God, if you won’t fight my battles then I will.” Those were my exact words (funny how I can’t remember what I had for dinner yesterday but I remember those words perfectly. It goes to show how this type of abuse stays engraved in your mind. Sort of funny when I think back now though; I remember walking into the school actually looking for them instead of hiding from them. LOL I spent hours the day before planning the entire thing. I envisioned myself grabbing her by her hair and dragging her down the main hall, exhibiting her to all of her friends as defeated. Hahahaha 

I walked into my math class, which was the class that I had with all four of the “mean girls;” lol they were sitting in the back of the classroom. I looked at them straight in the

eyes and smiled; usually I would avoid eye contact at any cost. I sat in my usual seat just waiting for the first comment, word, gesture, ANYTHING!! but nothing happened. I would never have imagined what happened next; it was nothing short of a miracle. When the class was over, I stayed sitting in my seat just waiting for them to pass by me and say something, but they said nothing. Instead, one by one they placed a piece of paper on my desk as they left. Each one of the papers had an apology written on it. I KNOW!!! That’s insane!!!! I really wanted to FIGHT them!! Hahaha I guess God really did fight my battle after all! lolSo I leave you with this…….. The question is not why do they treat us that way? Its Why do we allow it? It’s not what’s wrong with them that makes them this way? It’s what’s wrong with me that I put up with it?