Who can be UNFAITHFUL?

Who can be capable of being unfaithful? Anyone. Just the fact that we are walking, breathing, human beings, living in a natural body is enough to be susceptible. If you don’t believe that, compare yourself to King

David. He was a man that had everything. He lived in a palace, had riches, could have as many women as he wanted and yet, he fell into temptation with Bathsheba. To me that example alone tells me that there are no exceptions.  As I have said in many of my posts, I'm not an expert, I merely voice my opinion about things that I have experienced through the years or have seen others experience.  That being said, I realize that there is much more that can be said about this topic.  Nothing beats a professional opinion, let my voice be the beginning to your search for truth.

There are many reason people give to excuse why they were unfaithful. Bottom line is, they let their guard down and entertained; which can absolutely happen to anyone. These are some of the reasons that I have heard people give through the years; nonetheless in the end it comes down to morals and principals.

1. My spouse stopped taking care of him/her self, gained too much weight. I’m no longer attracted to him/her.

2. We don’t communicate; he/she doesn’t appreciate me and what I do.

3. The excitement is gone; there is no romance in the marriage.

4. My spouse is not interested in being intimate, we rarely make love.

5. I’m no longer in love with my spouse.

Trust me this list can go on for days…. In my opinion, if a person wants to be unfaithful they will find an excuse to be. No matter how perfect their spouse may seem. Infidelity comes from within; it’s a reflection of what’s happening on the inside. I have heard Dr. Phil say this many times and I tend to agree. A person, who feels the need to be unfaithful, is usually a person with much insecurity. They need constant attention, want to be admired, needs to be reassured that they are valuable, and wanted. Sadly these feelings don’t go away until this person truly finds selfworth. They can go from affair to affair and the emptiness of all of these insecurities will follow them. This is a bottomless pit; if you look carefully you will see a pattern. These insecurities and lack of maturity transcends into other areas of their life as well. Hard to please, ego centric, tend to have addictive personalities (this could range from substance abuse to video games) a sense of entitlement, always bored, constantly on the lookout for something new, exciting, and challenging, (which it’s not a bad trait, if it didn’t include infidelity) they thrive on instant gratification much like a child….

Something else Dr.Phil points out is that infidelity is one of the signs of immaturity. This person has not matured on an emotional level. Many times, emotionally, they have stayed at a much younger age than they actually are. A mature, emotionally stable person does not need external reassurance; they know for themselves that they are valuable. Unfortunately, most people are not nourished enough during their developmental years to grow up emotionally stable, but fortunately we have endless resources in which we can develop and grow on our own.

 The first step is to stop hiding behind excuses and acknowledge that it is your problem and not anyone else’s. No one can do this for you, it’s a decision you have to make from within and do whatever it takes to become whole. Not just to stop cheating but to live a fulfilling life. When you think about the pain that infidelity causes others (which I will go more in depth tomorrow) think about this, you are hurting yourself much more. Eventually the people around you will tire of being your emotional punching bag, they will grow tired of forgiving you, and if they are striving for a wholesome and mature life with someone; they will not want to continue playing your game forever.

Lastly, if you are caught in a web of infidelity, stop; there is a fulfilling and wonderful life waiting for you. Don’t settle for instant gratification. If you have been blessed enough to have someone that forgives and loves you by your side; then you have as good a chance as any to become whole. Decide today that you will grow up and leave childish impulses behind, get whatever help necessary to help you along. Choose to live by principle and not by the desires of your flesh. Take refuge in this "For God has not given us a spirit of fear; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7.