short novel "I see white clouds" PART 8

Reluctantly and petrified I sat on the hot seat, my knees where trembling, my hands were sweating, I swore I could feel my body shaking. I took a few deep breaths and said to myself "you got this Priscilla, you got this." The woman in the panel greeted me with a cold hello. Everyone else just knotted. A man began the interview by asking me a question "What interests you about horticulture; why should we consider you for this opportunity?" The panel was staring at me, waiting for a response, I froze. I put my head down and closed my eyes. But instead of drifting, I got a mental glimpse of myself on a field, working the grounds with my hands, planting, experimenting and discovering. At that point I felt as if someone else took over and left me behind. Confidently, I looked up at the panel and said “Honestly, I don’t know what you would like to hear from your candidates, but from me, you will get exactly how I feel. When I was a little girl, I enjoyed playing in the fields; my favorite pastime was laying on the wheat to look up at the white clouds to make up wonderful stories about what they resembled. One day while on the field I experienced a disastrous storm. That’s when I learned what a storm could do; it destroys. I saw it distort the beautiful white clouds until they lost their form. I saw it convert a beautiful blue sky into a dark abyss; it pulled trees from their roots, leveled the wheat fields and devoured everything in its path.” I felt myself getting emotional, my heart was beating out of my chest, and my eyes were swelling up with tears. Not because I was nervous, but because I felt passion rising up from the depth of my soul.

With even more boldness than before I looked at each one of them in their eyes and continued by saying “you see Mr., when you experience a storm like that in your life, you never again look up to see a white cloud, a drop of rain, a flash of lighting, or the sound of thunder makes you so afraid that it sends you into hiding. Until one miraculous day, when you realize that you survived it, that the storm took the lives of everyone you loved but you survived. That’s when your life changes. You want to be a part of something that brings restoration instead of destruction, joy instead of sadness and life instead of death. I want to plant seeds and see them grow, I want to learn to use them to heal, I want to sow and reap life.” When I saw the panel with what seemed to be a look of amazement; I felt myself shrink in my chair. I thought “Oh no, what could they be thinking, did I say all the wrong things, did I ruin my chances? I rapidly ended by saying “And that is why I would like to be considered as a candidate for your program.” They looked at one another, I think I saw a tear come down the cold woman’s face; although I didn’t mean to make her cry, I’d hope it was a good sign.  The woman on the panel stood up and said "thank you Priscilla, by the end of the day we will choose one person to grant this opportunity to.  Thank you for interviewing with us."

I responded with a thank you and slowly walked out of the room.  The lady from the display table came running up to me to ask how the interview went.  I told her I wasn't sure.   She must have seen the uncertainty in my eyes because she took the time to explain the process. She told me that the panel interviewed for one hour, or six people whichever came first.   Then they would discuss each candidates potential, when they all agreed on one person, which she said, always took hours, because of the value of the program. Which was close to $15,000 a year. That's when they would call her inside.  As they collaborate on what should be written on the letter of acceptance, she would type every word and prepared the letter. Then she would leave the letter with the faculty staff to hand over to the "chosen one". We both laughed when she said that. The last thing she told me was that, everyone else recieves a standard thank you letter.  As I was walking out of the conference room, I noticed a line of about 13 people waiting to be interviewed by the horticulture panel; patients as well as some staff members.   I felt blessed to have had the opportunity of the first interview and knew that if it was meant to be, then I will be.

I headed towards the dining hall to have lunch. Lolita and Tom were sitting next to one another like two love birds.  It made me smile that I never saw that coming.  I grabbed a salad and sat next to them.  I asked them if they had interviewed for any of the companies represented that day.  Lolita responded "we already have a life purpose Priscilla, you should know that by now."   "Oh, I said apologetically, then I dared to ask, "Tom too?" "Yes" she responded "he has been officially accepted as an agent."  I looked at Tom, he looked so in love that he'd be willing to be king of the squirrels if she asked him to be.  "Congratulations Tom" I said.  He just smiled and blushed.   Lolita handed me a memo and asked me if I thought I'd be released on Monday.  I had no clue what she was talking about.  The memo read that Monday was their annual assessment day.  That some members of the faculty staff will be conducting exit interviews for the people they considered to be ready to leave.   I sighed, I wasn't sure if I was ready.  "By the way, said Lolita with a sweet, caring smile, "you look beautiful today Priscilla."


After lunch I headed back to my room. When I opened the door, immediately I felt a wave of the sweet garden scent sweep across my nose.   It made me smile,
the window shade was open, the sun illuminated every inch of the room making it look bright and airy.  I sat on my comfy yellow chair and looked out my window, I believe this was the first time I actually looked out that window since I'd been there.  To my surprise, my room had the view of the crystal clear blue river, surrounded by mountains.  "Oh my God" I said to myself, "I cannot believe I'd been depriving myself of enjoying that view by keeping the dresser against that window!"  I pressed the intercom button to request permission for someone to open the window for a few minutes.  The nurse had to review my records to make sure it would be ok.  She came into my room and stood at the door amazed by the transformation.  "WOW" she said, "Priscilla, this room looks incredible!"  She unlocked the window and told me she would return to lock it in fifteen minutes. I thanked her and walked towards the window.  As soon as I opened the french windows, I felt it.  The freshness of the air, the smell of the mountains, and the sound of the river; it was magical. 

I wanted to run out there, splash myseft with the river water, drink from the mountain stream, and walk freely through the forest trails.  Everything inside me felt alive; as I looked outside that window. For the first time in my adult life, I felt as if I wanted to be part of the "outside." I felt as if I could not only enjoy but also help protect it's beauty.  I felt PURPOSE, PASSION, and HOPE.  The nurse knocked on the door, then came inside to close and lock the window.  I looked away because I had tears running down my face, they were tears of joy.

 

At around 4:30pm I came out of my room to meet with Tom and Lolita in the game room, to watch a movie. I saw the horticultural panel close the doors to the room.  The interviewing process was over.  I felt knots forming in my stomach.  This would be the difficult part, the waiting. Acording to the display table lady, this process always took hours to culminate.  What torture!, I thought.  About twenty minutes later I saw all four of them exiting the room and leave the building.  What?? are they done?? Did they not pick anyone?!?! I thought.  Then ten minutes after that, out came the lady with a stack of envelopes in her hands.  She handed them to the front office, then she too left the building.  I was desperate, anxious, I wanted to scream "TELL US!!!!" I saw the staff open the very first envelope, read the letter, smile and talk to one another.  I felt disappointed, it must be one of them, I said to myself.  I accepted it with sadness, yet still felt proud of my accomplishment.  I had come farther than I had ever dreamed of and I was proud.  I went back to watching my movie, then dinner.  At around 8:00 pm as a group of us were putting together a puzzle, one of the staff members walked passed us with the stack of envelops in his hand.  He was slidding them under the room doors of all the people that participated in the day's interviews.  I wanted to grow wings and fly over to my room as fast as I could.  I simply excused myself and walked to my room instead.  My heart was racing, I held the envelope in my hand and closed the door behind me.  Sitting on my yellow chair, with my hands trembling, I took a deep breath and opened the envelope.