There was a knock on my door; it was Lolita and Tom. When I opened, I literally had to pinch myself. They were dressed in Scottish attire, I was afraid to ask. Nothing they said
I sat next to Lolita and Tom at the dining table, there was a wrapped present next to her. They weren’t saying much, Lolita’s eyes were drifting; a look all too familiar to me. I tried
to cheer her up by asking her details about the mission. She immediately focused and went on and on about how the squirrels of Scotland were in trouble. How we had to go under cover for the CIA to help rescue them. Tom looked at her, but didn’t say a word. From behind Tom, I could see “the god” approaching us; Tom’s brother. He said good afternoon to us, patting Tom on the shoulder he whispered “let’s go buddy, say your goodbyes.” Tom stood up grabbed the gift and gave it to Lolita. “I will always love you” he said teary eyed. She stood up and gave him a hug. That surprised me; she was not the affectionate type. That hug was worth a million words. With that, Tom waved goodbye to everyone and left. Lolita took the gift and went to her room; I knew she needed to be alone. Within minutes I heard a scream coming from her room, then some stomping. I ran over and opened the door without knocking. She was dancing around and laughing holding what looked like a picture frame. It was Tom’s gift; he’d given her a frame filled with pictures of squirrels. I spent my entire day with Lolita, wearing my Scottish hat.
After dinner, we headed to the game room, played ping pong for a while, and then watched a movie. By eight o’clock I said goodnight and headed towards my room. I heard music coming from my room, the closer I got the louder the music became. I opened the door and there she was. The little girl was back, she was sitting on my yellow chair. She looked beautiful, bathed, hair combed, wearing a pale pink sleeveless summer dress with a cotton white blouse underneath. She looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes. I went to her and hugged her, she hugged me back. She was listening to music on my iPod; she had one of the songs on repeat. It played as I continued to heal her wounds, the iodine stung her, the alcohol too, but she remained still and allowed me to continue. That’s how I knew that I’d gained her trust; she knew it was necessary for her healing. We got ready for bed, she didn’t say a word but I could see a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. Again she fell asleep in my arms; I laid her on my bed and tucked her in. The song continued playing all night long.
I woke up, she was gone, my journal was not in my drawer. It was “assessment for release” day at the facility. The nurse knocked, it was time for my appointment. I could hardly wait to tell her everything. As soon as I walked through her door and saw the look in her eyes, I knew. “Priscilla, you have worked hard, you gave it your all and that’s why you were able to succeed; I will be releasing you today,” she said. I opened my eyes wide; tears began to cascade down my face. I wanted to say “NO I DON’T WANT TO GO, I'M NOT READY, I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU!!!” but deep inside I knew I was ready, I had to go. We hugged, said our goodbyes and I headed towards my room to pack. Lolita was sitting right outside my door. She looked at me, she knew, “I’ll have to find another partner, wont I?,” she said pretending to be annoyed instead of hurt. I took a risk, I didn’t care if she pushed me away, I hugged her with all of my strength and told her I loved her. She hugged me back. I told her I’d visit her often, without saying a word, off she went to interview people to join her for her missions; I laughed out loud.
A taxi was waiting for me outside. I gave him the address to my apartment; we drove off. I had mixed feelings; happy for this new chapter in my life but afraid of the unknown. I still had something I needed to confront. I asked the taxi driver to take me to the field. I felt fear rising, my hands were sweating, I had not returned there since the storm. The closer we got, the more anxious I became. I questioned if I was ready, I wondered if I'd drift and end up at the facility again. Just when I was going to tell the taxi driver to turn around, I saw the fort I had built. It was in shambles, there was hardly anything left of it. I told the driver to stop. I ran towards it, all the walls were down, the ground was leveled, except a deep cave I had dug in case the fort was destroyed. I walked towards it, looked inside, she was there; the little girl was inside! She looked afraid, terrified, cold, and trembling. I told her to come out and reassured her that the storm had passed. I extended my hand and she grabbed it. I was trying to pull her out, she reached behind her to get the journal. I told her to leave it behind and she did. She kept her eyes closed and her hands over her face. She was afraid to look, afraid she'd see the "thing" come after her again. I guided her towards a valley, where the wheat was tall and dancing with the wind. I said "don't be afraid, I'm here." I took off my shoes and noticed something under my feet, it was a scar. I looked on my right leg, another scar, with excitement I looked on my side and there was a scar. I grabbed the little girl and hugged her. "we are no longer bleeding, our wounds have become scars." We laid down on the field. I said, "Priscilla, open your eyes, what do you see." she opened her eyes, squinting at first, then with her eyes wide open she said "I SEE WHITE CLOUDS!!! " I smiled and told her, "its time to dream again."