How to heal from INFIDELITY

I am humbled with the trust many of you demonstrated by reaching out to me this week and sharing your pain of infidelity. My prayers went up for each and every one of you last night; I prayed that sooner than later your wounds would become scars. I tiered up thinking about just how many people are living with an open wound. We don’t see them bleeding because every morning they put on a band- aid and go about their day. Once they get home, reality sets, the band-aid comes off and their wound begins to bleed again. I’m grateful to have been able to provide a place in my blog this week to give a voice to their pain. Tomorrow we will be getting a man’s perspective on the pain of enduring an affair. He will share with us a little bit of his journey though the pain of betrayal and the road to forgiveness. He was able to receive his wife back with open arms after her infidelity and they are now restoring their home.


Today I thought I’d talk a little about the band-aids we put on to mask the pain that has yet to be healed. The degree of pain caused by infidelity varies from person to person and from the type and longevity of the involvement. However, regardless of the circumstances, healing needs to take place in order for a relationship to be restored. I have seen two things happen when true healing is not achieved; one, the relationship eventually dissolves and each person goes their own way, or two, they stay together for some reason or other (usually the kids). In my opinion neither of the two is the answer, if you stay together without resolve and eventually end up breaking up; that’s nothing but a waste of precious time. If you stay together for the kids but live with unforgiving, bitterness and resentment, then you will be modeling for your children what a relationship should be like. Below I will list some of the band-aids used to try to move on without total healing;



1. Let’s not talk about it. Walk on egg shells avoiding the topic. If something triggers the memory of the infidelity, then there is usually an explosion of hurtful emotions.

2. Have a child; I have seen this one happen time and time again. People having a child to save a marriage. I tell you this much, you may have seen different but I have never seen this one work out for anyone. On the contrary the poor child is in the middle and things just got a lot more complicated.

3. Completely devout themselves to their jobs, hobbies, computer anything but their marriage.

4. Become a 24 hour parent; the spouse becomes an invisible person in the home. They take on the job of parenting to a different level; staying busy with the kids it’s an “acceptable” thing to use to hide pain.

5. Live a “pretend” life. Everything is fine, nothing is wrong, the past is the past and we have moved on.




Here comes the bad news…. None of those five band-aids are going to heal you. They just cover up the wound. Do you know what happens when a deep wound gets covered up without having stitches? It gets infected, and if not treated, the infection spreads. That is exactly what happens to a broken heart if it is not healed. Soon resentment sets in, anger issues arise, it can even spread to the degree of verbal or physical abuse.




Here comes the good news… It doesn’t matter how long ago the infidelity happened if you feel like your wound is still open get to a hospital immediately. Stop dropping blood all over the floor! Lol Seek counseling, get self help book, look up sites about restoration, talk about it!! But most importantly, seek to live a godly life; outside of God, thing are much more difficult to resolve. He gives us peace, which is what most people lose in the midst of these trials.




So what’s the secret to healing from the pain of infidelity “take off your band-aid” allow yourself to feel. It is only when you feel that you can tackle that which is eating you up inside. I guarantee you that when you do, your wound will slowly begin to dry up, then become a scab and finally it will only be a scar that no longer hurts.



Love you FGAL readers, you inspire me each and every day!!!