The Pain of Infidelity: A Man's Perspective
Here are some strong feelings I had to endure:
Rejection - I felt my manhood was shot down. How could I be a hero to another woman when the woman I love the most has rejected me? I did not have the, "well I can find someone else" attitude. Insecurities that were not there before began to set it. Confidence begins to diminish. Men are built yearning respect, infidelity is the ultimate disrespect.
Useless - Keeping bread on the table, pleasing and protecting our wives and keeping our house in order is what MEN thrive on. When infidelity knocks on the door it makes everything look like a lie. I felt worthless. I felt so low, without value. I was no longer her prince charming.
Denial: I would bombard myself with questions. Why didn't I confront my wife when I saw signs that were making me uncomfortable? I didn't want to scold her like a father, I wanted to trust her regardless of what my instincts were telling me. Where did I go wrong? How could I have stopped this from happening to us?
Doubt: Did my spouse ever love me? What other things do I not know of? Is this relationship worth fighting for? Will I be able to trust her again? Will I ever get to that place of forgiveness and move forward?
Hopeless: the hardest thing for a man is to feel hopeless. That moment when you realize you can't fix it! Divorce is right around the corner and there's nothing you can say or do to bring her back.
Sleeplessness: Accepting the horror of an empty bed. I would call it "TNT" (tossing n' turning). The reality of a cold bed sets in. I lost 20 pounds and slept less than 3 hours a night for months.
My advice: Ignore the many voices. People usually tell a man, "let her go, you have all the right to let her go!" I held on because my male instinct, the fighter in me and in many men was to WIN. I didn't want to lose the one thing that is rightfully mine. It is hard because we think adultery is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage. It isn't! We can hold on to our wives if they have an addiction like alcohol or drugs, but not an affair? That is wrong. It's easy to give up.
When you forgive, you are not saying you tolerate what your spouse has done. You are saying, "this can happen to anyone, and I love you so much that I am ready to fight for my marriage". It is easy to throw in the towel but with Gods help and His healing hands, all things really are possible. I'm still in the ring fighting for the woman God put in my life and she has joined me in this wonderful goal of saving our marriage so let me boldly say, with everyday that passes "WE" are winning!