Marriage ROCKS part 6 SENSUALITY

This post is about the letter "S" in my marriage acronym, Marriage R.O.C.K.S. I decided to give this letter two words.... my original word "sincerity" and also added the word "sensuality". That previous sentence gave me a nostalgic feeling of sesame street (This post is about the letter "S") haha. Moving on... I added "sensuality" because of its importance in a marriage; I knew I could not leave it out.

Yes, lets go there! I told you in the beginning of this series that I was not going to hold back. The truth is that God made us sensual beings, its our perverse nature that has contaminated and poisoned our view of it.  Since I was a young girl I remember anything that had to do with sensuality to be followed by "uy, eso es feo" could be translated by the English expression "that's not nice."  LOL The truth is ... it is nice! The problem with being conditioned at a young age by adults saying "it isn't nice", its that when you try it you realize they were lying! haha As a result many people engage in promiscuity, therefore making perverse what God intended to be a sacred pleasure for marriage.

 My boys and I have mildly had "the talk" only because of the questions they bring home after hearing the other kids talk.  I tell them it's a special bond married couples engage in. They love each other so much that they want to express their love through hugging, kissing and touching each other.  Their response "YUK... GROSS" hahaha I wonder how long that's going to last :/ lol I explain to them the importance of being married before you engage in sexual activity with a woman.  I tell them that marriage is a life long commitment and that if you are willing to make that commitment with a woman, then you know you love her enough to marry her and bond in a special way. I'm careful when teaching my boys the importance of abstinence not to instill in them any negative feelings about sex.  I have to trust that with God's help they will be able to develop healthy habits in a world filled with immoral pressure.

Back to marriage.  If we don't re-condition our minds and truly understand what God intended for us in the sensual area of our marriage, we will fail miserably.  Sex in marriage is a beautiful thing.  There is nothing more intoxicating than surrendering without limitations to the person you love.  This can only be achieved with true intimacy which is gained through trust.  Think about it, the bible dedicates an entire book describing sensual encounters (the Song of Solomon)

Your lips are a honeycomb;

milk and honey

    flow from your tongue.

My bride, my very own,

you are a garden,

a fountain

    closed off to all others.

 

Your arms are vines,

covered with delicious fruits

    and ... all the finest spices.

 

WOW! Solomon had me at hello!! lol  Speaking as candidly as I can, physical intimacy is crucial to a happy marriage. Everything I have written in my previous posts contribute to an emotional intimacy, but the physical is a byproduct of the emotional.  There cannot be one without the other. When a woman and a man feel emotionally fed (for a lack of a better word), they naturally crave physical intimacy.  I will list a few things I have discussed with several married couples that might help shed some light in this area.

Some important things to consider: 

• Good hygiene! LOL Men and women are aroused by smell. When I talk about the man, I'm not talking about a man that exfoliates, moisturizes his skin, goes to the spa and wears half a bottle of cologne. ! hahaha I'm talking about a nice smelling man with clean teeth, fresh breath and a nice shave, cologne is optional...  the simple smell of SOAP will do. You may laugh but bad hygiene is a big turn off for many women.  
• For women good hygiene its just as crucial, there aren't many men that would be attracted to a woman that smells like sofrito! hahaha A woman that takes care of herself is a magnet to her husband.  We can see the importance of this in the song of Solomon when he says 

...the smell of your perfume

    is more fragrant than spices.
...You are a spring in the garden,

    a fountain of pure water,

and a refreshing stream

    from Mount Lebanon.

...Your dress has the aroma

    of cedar trees from Lebanon.

• Women are attracted to a confident man. A man who is willing to learn about her body and her desires without feeling intimidated or offended. A woman's body changes, what she enjoyed ten years ago may not be what she enjoys now. A confident man would be open to this and not be threatened by it.

• A man is attracted to a confident woman. A woman who is not afraid of her sensuality.  A woman can be sexy at any size. The more comfortable she is in her own skin the more confident she feels during intimacy.   Sometimes as women we get so caught up in wanting to have the perfect body that we become insecure and allow our low self-esteem to conquer us.  Most men are more attracted to confidence than to a perfect body. A good example of this is in the following text where Solomon writes of a woman with a powerful seductive glance who adorned herself with a fancy necklace to show off her femininity... 

My bride, my very own,

you have stolen my heart!

With one glance from your eyes

and the glow of your necklace,

you have stolen my heart.

  

• A man wants to be complimented and reassured.  If he is in an environment where he is constantly being nagged, harassed and put down, the last thing he will be is a knight in shining armor.  A man thrives on his woman's admiration.  The more loved and cared for he feels, the more confidant he will be during intimacy.

Lastly,  keep in mind that once married our bodies are no longer our own.  Lets commit to put some time and energy into making this part of our marriage exciting.  God intended for couples to enjoy one another. Be creative and spontaneous, the setting doesn't always have to be just right, change it up.  If you are a hopeless romantic and need to have the perfect ambiance, setting, lighting, and set-up; leave room for occasional spontaneity. Sometimes all the set-up and planning can be exhausting; once in a while keep it fresh and new by simple surprises that don't require all day to plan. Compromise, don't worry there will be plenty of days planned and filled with romance.... remember, "until death do us part" is a very long time! ;)
 Thanks for reading!