Written by Pastor Angel Madera
Transitions no matter how painful they may be are designed
to ease us into the levels of maturity that enable us to be powerful agents of
healing and instruction for the sake and benefit of others. If one should find themselves still
stumbling, frustrated or angry with the same old issues, it is only because the
truths that were meant to heal and empower the individual during the transition
were either rejected or simply too difficult to embrace. I never thought that I would be the parent
that would find them-self ushering their child to death’s door; simply put “why
is this happening to me?”
The transition
towards the death of a loved one is difficult enough, but the transition out of
the trauma of death proved to be equally or even more demanding than the first.
I remember the night of my son’s passing looking out of my
bedroom window saying to God; I am a man shattered in a million pieces and only
You can put me back together. I have
learned that there is only one being in the whole universe that can take
tragedy and turn it into triumph, and that being is God. I will share with you the principals of
healing that were imparted into my soul and which I felt was imparted into the
lives of others after sharing my experience with them. Before I do, allow me to share the dark aspect
of this transition; I have suffered depressions, panic attacks, and emotional
traumas on levels which psychologists could not fathom. Know that when others
begin to say or imply that it’s over and your dreams begin to fade under a
cloud of pain and suffering, I am the proof that the contrary is true, it’s not
over; you will dream again.
Dealing with the reality of missing my son has been like the
tide of the ocean; sometimes the tide comes in high and sometimes low. What I
mean by this is the rush of painful emotions that come in when I contemplate
that fateful day when I watched him slip away.
There was something my son Devin said to me before his passing and it
was this, “Daddy just believe”. Something so simple out of the mouth of a child
who was dying, were the very words that would empower me and lift me when I
felt all hope was lost. Someone once asked me how did I deal with it, and my
response was that I don’t, I let it deal
with me. Transitions can be your
greatest instructor that no Ivy League professor can rival or transitions can
be your most severe schoolmaster. During this transition, which I thought was
destroying me in actuality was perfecting me, healing me, redefining me,
empowering me and forming the character of Christ in my life. On one occasion I
caught myself going to my closet just to smell my son’s hat because I thought
it would bring comfort to my broken soul, but later I found that it was only
adding more brokenness to it. When healing comes to an individual’s life it
doesn’t come to take a person back, but it rather it takes them to the new, the
beautiful, the joyful and the liberating. The degrees and amounts of healing
that I have received have brought me to a place where life is far greater than
what I could ever imagine.
In the beginning of this process I remember wrestling with
wanting to go back to the places in my mind of naiveté that seems to blanket a
person and keep one optimistic. Transitions have a way of propelling you
towards your destiny and not restraining you from them. Aside from God himself
the greatest asset that God would place by my side was a woman that would fight
by my side daily; my wife Mirna. I have
been humbled by the truth of how powerful a loved one is during this phase. In
the midst of my deepest depression and most difficult transition, my wife
assured me that I would reach my dreams and goals. Her courage to remain
steadfast and not run is beyond admirable; she has taught me both how to
receive healing and how to distribute it. The healing process during the
transition of death is not unattainable when you’re inundated with love. I come
from a family that has faith in God, but has also taught me never to live in
denial. Your question may be; how does one come to the places of healing that
bring transformation? First and foremost no human can undertake any transition,
especially one like this alone. The healing process that I have experienced is
as follows:
Acceptance through hope -Yes this happens, but by no means does this signify defeat or surrender to grief or that you can never be happy or joyful again. This indicates the opposite and points to one’s readiness to hope again.
Acceptance through hope -Yes this happens, but by no means does this signify defeat or surrender to grief or that you can never be happy or joyful again. This indicates the opposite and points to one’s readiness to hope again.
No to resentment and yes to newness - Resentment
will add to the suffering, although the memories will always be with me,
nevertheless new experiences of life and victory are sure to come.
Every year will be different - The last
experience of healing is preparation for the next one; don’t try to hold on to
one specific healing instance, open yourself up to and allow yourself to
receive them all.
Know that your journey will empower and bring
others out of their places of mourning.
Tragedy does not have authority over you and
cannot dictate where you’re going.
When emotions are on the floor, simply rest.
Don't allow pain and suffering to clothe you with selfishness- if your married like myself or a parent,or both, remember that your not the only one suffering. Remember that your family is suffering also and that they have a date with destiny as well. Leave no room for self pity. Loving them through the pain will bring out your most powerful virtue of all, love.
Pray – Expression of the soul leads us to the place where we are free in the spirit.
Pray – Expression of the soul leads us to the place where we are free in the spirit.
Be honest – Living in denial will delay your
healing.
Believe – No matter how difficult the process or
pain, know that you will embrace life in a way that will impact others.
In closing, I just want to say that God is beyond incredible
and His healing power and love is incomparable. Today I stand on the other side
of the transition, whole, complete and wiser. I have been fortunate to be able
to encourage others, either to begin the healing process or to continue in it.
I have been blessed with opportunities, a ministry and so many other things
that I thought would’ve never happened, because of what I experienced. I’m not
saying that I have chosen to forget my son or the experience; I think of Devin
daily. Sometimes those thoughts are coupled with laughter and other times mingled
with tears, no one could take his place. However, four years after my son
passed, the Lord blessed me with another son whose name is Josiah Seth, which
in Hebrew means “healed of God” and “God has given me another son”. He is not a
replacement for Devin, but God used him as an instrument to bring me to a new
place in life, not a place of mourning but an oasis of healing. I’m not
suggesting that another individual per se is the exact instrument that God will
use to bring about your healing, but allow yourself to be open to receive what
God will use along the path of your healing journey. God bless you and empower
you all to heal and to heal others.
Wow! There is nothing left to say other than praise God ! Thanks for sharing. I miss my mom but I am going to continue dreaming for her ! I am missing her but knowing that she is not suffering any more gives me strength to go on . Thanks, Dalmita!
ReplyDeleteLa gloria sea para el Señor. Y porque su Misericordia es para siempre. Doy gracias a Dios por ti y tu familia. Una Familia con Proposito.
ReplyDeleteHna. Grettel Montoya.