Earth's Loss ... Heaven's Gain

I am extremely excited today…. I was able to convince my sisters to write their side of the story for tomorrow’s blog.  They didn’t accept right away, I had to threaten them a little by telling them I would post about all their bad habits. Hahaha JK I’m sure you will enjoy it.  Btw, I want you to know that I feel humbled that not only do you find my blog worth reading, but because you find inspiration from it.  Thank you.

Since I decided to begin my blog by sharing my family and their experiences with you, I saw it necessary to introduce you to another member of my family…. my brother.  Although I knew that I wanted to share this with you at some point, I struggled as to when I would feel ready. Then I realized I will probably never feel completely ready.   So I knew that this was the time, since this is the week I introduced you to my family and he is part of my family…. He is my brother.  A few years ago our family suffered what I consider one of the most difficult moments of our lives.   It changed my life forever.  After my parents’ divorce, my dad remarried and had a son from that marriage.  During that time, my mom, sisters and I were already living in the USA; therefore we didn’t grow up sharing with my brother the way we would’ve liked to. Throughout his childhood we shared some special moments with him in the summers, when we visited Puerto Rico or when he traveled to Ohio to visit with us. 

When my brother was eighteen, my father sent him to NJ to live with Oscar & me.  He was having a tough time dealing with the death of his best friend.  My dad thought it to be a good idea for him to have a change.   I will forever be grateful for that time, that’s when I truly came to know my brother; the funniest and smartest kid I know.  He came as a broken and hurt young man; he didn’t have aspirations, goals or passions.  We took him under our wing; Just as my mom had modeled for me all my life.  Got him on his feet, he became a devoted Christian, started to write amazing lyrics for raps that he enjoyed singing.  He got his driver’s license and even lived on his own in his own apartment.   I was very proud of him; he worked hard to overcome the adversities that he had suffered during his young years.   

Unfortunately, working hard sometimes isn’t good enough, many of us need outside intervention to help us deal with situations we don’t understand.  Therapists, counselors, pastors are all people that can help guide us to the healing we so desperately need.  That, in combination with God’s never failing power and love it’s a guarantee success.   My brother didn’t receive the help he needed professionally; I must say my father tried to get that help for him numerous times but was unsuccessful.  Even though my brother continued to struggle with emotional and mental issues, he tried to live as normal of a life as he could.  He got married and had two beautiful children and was working at a job that he enjoyed. 

There was a period of years where he got disconnected from us; we barely heard from him or saw him.  I remember one time I went to NJ to try and find him. Went to three of his jobs, no one had any information, even knocked on a door of an address where I thought he could be; no success.   I got the feeling he had asked everyone not to give any information.  Running with that feeling, I made sure that I told every person I asked for information from, to tell him that his sister is looking for him, that she misses and loves him very much.  I believe that was a very tough and lonely time for him.  During the years that followed, He became unable to cope or handle the responsibilities of life.  He was not mentally capable to take on all that life requires of us, as much as he tried.

Eventually life took a toll on him; he became overwhelmed with guilt, sadness and regret.  Something he could not shake off.    Slowly he became more and more ill; until the day his illness took him from us. I still miss him, and until recently struggled with the “what ifs” but slowly I have been able to embrace the good times we had and concentrate on how blessed I was to have been able to spend years with him. Sharing laughter and joy; he said the best jokes, had a magnetic personality, loved to spend time with the elderly; asking them questions about life. Had a sense of humor that very few people I know have; he was able to tell you a joke, watch you ROTFL and keep a straight face, which made it funnier.  He was a great swimmer; loved the beach. He could detail a car like no one! Lol

I will love and miss you forever my dear brother... RIP

• I will later post how this difficult time carapulted me into my own metamorphosis.